Perfectionism can seem like the perfect problem. A natural tendency to strive for what’s best usually brings success. When striving for success becomes an obsession, however, perfectionism can be detrimental to relationships, work, and even health.
What exactly is perfectionism?
Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism is not the same as being perfect. Perfectionism usually comes from a place of insecurity and can turn obsessional because of its ability to falsely create an identity. Perfectionists hold themselves to unrealistic expectations and if they do not succeed can feel depressed, guilt-ridden and unsure of themselves.
Why is perfectionism harmful?
The need to be perfect is an unobtainable goal. By demanding perfection of yourself, you can never stay satisfied. Even if you score the highest on a test or win a particularly challenging championship, the need to maintain that level of achievement or advance even higher will trump any contentment found by feeling the best.
Perfectionism can come in many different forms. Academic performance can start early in life and greatly affect esteem later in life. When grades, tests and other external goals are achieved, it can be easy to think that others shape your personal worth. The need to compete for external validation can become addictive.
Perfectionism can hurt relationships
Romantic relationships can be greatly impacted by perfectionism. Whether you are constantly trying to win over a partner’s love or affection or whether you constantly find fault with their less-than-perfect life or attitude, perfectionism is an obvious roadblock to satisfaction.
Relationships are not supposed to be easy, but both partners should find comfort and satisfaction. The need to constantly improve can put unnecessary pressure on the relationship and leave both people feeling depleted and resentful. Often times acceptance is a healthy coping mechanism for extreme perfectionism.
Perfectionism can harm health
Physical health can also take a toll from perfectionism. Body appearance is a common issue for people who want to be perceived as the best. Extremely dangerous health issues surrounding perfectionism can include anorexia or exercise addiction. Contrary to what many used to think, this can occur in both women and men.
Pushing the body to its limits, regardless of the purpose, can create a host of problems. Athletes who ignore the body’s signals can find themselves pushing past the limits of what’s healthy. Broken bones, malnutrition and muscle tears are all likely physical outcomes. For those who use extreme dieting to create a “perfect” body image can feel psychological effects such as fatigue, severe depression and even brain fog.
Perfectionism can hurt your self-identity
Being “perfect” is not an identity. The word itself does not exist when discussing a whole person. Besides the fact it is an unachievable goal, the idea of perfectionism is based on others. By comparing yourself and for the reward of external validation, the idea of perfectionism as an identity is almost completely void of the individual itself.
To truly have a stable sense of self, the personal worth must come from the inside. Personal values and ethics are what shapes a balanced and healthy life. To feel truly satisfied with where you are, accepting yourself for who you are is much better than perfectionism.
